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You didn’t notice right away, but everybody saw him staring at you. Your friends say he’s gorgeous, you say he’s not. He could be attractive, butt ugly, or absolutely hot but only you know what makes a man sexy. I considered the question for a moment as I daydreamed about the sexiest man alive. 

Is it crazy that I can’t identify his eyes despite the fact I was looking directly at him? I also saw his hair, but I couldn’t tell what color it was. I saw his smile, too, but I couldn’t tell you if he had any cavities. Lord have mercy… What was wrong with me? I am not a little girl anymore!

What makes a man sexy as I approach cougar age? What makes men more appealing is not the same as what it was 20 years ago. Back then, I didn’t really have a type, but I preferred tall, ‘thick,’ dark-skinned men. However, what got me in trouble were those free-spirited, adventurous Black/brown/red/high-yellow men in military uniforms. 

They say, “The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice,” and I love blackberries! Yes, I do, only I prefer the berries in a cobbler now and not wild off the vine. 

jeferson gomes tTwRMGZ86Fg unsplash what makes a man sexy
Meet Jeferson Gomes. He’s for hire and you can find this sexy man at Unsplash. I think he has a lot of attributes that define him as sexy.

Back then, I only gravitated towards men with noticeable sexiness. But now, I have to do things differently. Here’s how my definition of a sexy man has changed. 

What makes a man so sexy that I’ll say ‘yes?’ 

To me, a man is sexy when he wants to be with me and only me and is not tempted by anyone who comes along with a BBL and a smile. Sexy is when a man cares about me as much as I care about him and he expresses it. A sexy man knows what he wants, recognizes what he has, values it, and will go to any length to keep it.

When a man ‘fixes’ his woman in public, he feels honored to be loved by her and isn’t afraid to return his feelings in front of anyone. Too many people pretend to love, but a true man appreciates what he has. I may be old, but I think this is what makes a man sexy. 

nevels media ADpgHeGrjV4 unsplash what makes a man sexy

What makes a man sexy? It could be the eye contact or the way he looks a woman in her eyes while holding a conversation. The way he purposely places that single stray strand of hair back in its place. Yeah, that’s sexy to me. It shows he cares about my appearance and he knows a woman cares about her crown (hair). 

What is being sexy all about? 

I asked my best friend, Delores N., what makes a man sexy. She said that it’s a matter of integrity for her. It separates the men from the boys. She appreciates an energetic and humorous man because she knows laughter is good for the soul. The southern belle admires her gentleman for the small gestures he makes that show how much he cares. She looks at how attentive, and expressive he is, but most of all, he can’t be afraid to show his love for God. Period.

To see if the tribe raised her right, I asked my daughter, Cherriel M., the same question. She told me the things that make guys attractive to her are: good looks, a man who stands up for his lady, confidence, pulls out the chairs, orders flowers, goofy (silly sense of humor) and who pays the bills.  

Quiana M. told me what it’s like to have the most attractive man around in her life. She said he’s not afraid to show anyone that he cares for her. He’s quick to do the little things like open doors wide for her. He makes sure she isn’t stranded on the side of the highway by paying AAA, checking tires and gas gauges. He goes to work but comes home and cooks dinner for a family of 6. These things exude sex appeal. Oh, and you may catch Quiana just off in ‘Lala Land,’ seemingly smiling for no reason at all.

We all know there’s a reason for the smile, we just don’t have the inside details. 

Well, who has the answers – What is being sexy all about? What makes a man sexy? It’s a personal thing. It’s different for each woman, so no answer is wrong. What’s your opinion? Let me know.

Photo credit: Jeferson Gomes https://unsplash.com/photos/tTwRMGZ86Fg Unsplash

Photo credit: Nevels Media ADpgHeGrjV4 Unsplash


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