In most cases, cheating or a partner’s infidelity generally means that a relationship is over, although it’s not always the end of a relationship. There are different types of cheating in relationships. Whatever the reasons for having an affair, it can be difficult for people to leave vs continue being in the relationship.
Sometimes what keeps them together is not always about love.
Gabrielle Applebury, marriage and family therapist, claims “adultery is no longer a deal breaker in many marriages,” and that “70 percent of couples actually stay together after an affair is discovered.
Having a home or being in a lease agreement with someone makes you think twice about leaving. In some cases, it’s ‘cheaper to cheap her.’ Having been together for a long time means you may have acquired a number of assets or bills and leaving to be on your own, it’s not financially possible.
Some couples remain together to try and work it out, but then end up breaking it off months, even years later. They may find that being in a relationship and not bringing up the past or being suspicious is more prevalent than anyone thought. When you decide to stay, couples must work through the demands of staying together after a trust has been broken.
It’s important you both accept that a decision or the ability to trust again may not happen overnight. It may take weeks or even months to determine what you and your partner want.
Although cheating can be complicated (couples need to define cheating in a relationship), some couples can remain friends but go their separate ways. If you give your SO another chance, it may never be the same or it could be better than ever.
Reasons Couples Stay Together
Couples may stay because it happened only once. It wasn’t anything ‘special.’ It was a decision they regret so the likelihood of repeating it is slim to none.
Comedian Mo’Nique, in an interview with True Exclusives, justifies her hubby cheating by saying the other woman may be doing things she isn’t willing to do, so the other woman could be helping her out. Relationship experts Michael Castleman and Dr. Pepper Schwartz don’t believe offering another person your spouse is a good idea, but Mo’ was sexually abused by her brother, so we’ll give her a pass. Besides, the couple has been married since 2006.
Although the couple is still together, you know we can’t talk about infidelity and not mention Jada Pinkett Smith. She had this to say:
“I got into an entanglement with August,” she declared. “I was in a lot of pain, and I was very broken. In the process of that relationship, I definitely realized that you can’t find happiness outside of yourself.”
Some couples stay together because they aren’t thinking clearly or they want to give the relationship another go. They see the ‘potential’ in him/her.
And the big one — couples stay for the kids. It’s every couples dream to raise their children under one roof, but it doesn’t always turn out to be the best decision.
If you can’t forgive that person and stop revisiting the past, you should move on. But when both people are cheating, does it even make sense to stay together?
Repairing Relationships After Cheating
The effects of cheating in relationships are different for each couple. For some, cheating made their relationship stronger. It made them see what they had and what they would lose if they were to continue cheating and get caught. It may not seem possible, but infidelity can have a positive outcome, however, couples must want to stay together. One thing that’s important and that is you shouldn’t force anyone to stay.
But if you give them a second chance, it means making the commitment to do what it takes. You have to work at it. Here are a few suggestions to help you get through the process.
Reflect on Your Feelings
Dealing with betrayal can be difficult. You may have to do some soul searching to figure out what you want and if you want this relationship.
Your Partner May Need Space
One or both of you may need to take some time away from each other to figure it out. If you’re emotionally charged, you may need to relax before you can have an adult conversation about what happened.
The signs a wife has cheated are often less apparent than the signs of a man cheating. This should be obvious, but it needs to be said; If you want to repair the relationship, the cheating has to stop. If you don’t have any feelings toward the other person, it will be easy to cut ties. Otherwise, it could be tough to let go.
No matter the reason you and your spouse or boyfriend are cheating, you each have to accept responsibility for your infidelity and start rebuilding trust. Avoid playing the blame game, and apologize to each other.
Keep Your Promises
Don’t give her cause to answer one of those ‘find out if he’s cheating for free’ ads. Be where you should be and don’t be gone for hours when you shouldn’t be. Going to the corner store shouldn’t take forever. In other words, keep your word. Don’t give the other person reason to doubt you or to cause suspicion.
Spend Time With Your Partner
You need to spend time together as well as allow your partner some alone time. Make date night a priority, and when your spouse is ready, plan a romantic getaway. It doesn’t have to be far or expensive.
Forgiveness Your Partner
You must forgive yourself in addition to being forgiven by your lover. You should accept responsibility for your actions, but you don’t have to live with the consequences for the rest of your life.
Unhappy in the Relationship
You and your SO must determine what is considered cheating in a marriage. Tell the truth about why you decided to cheat. Many people are not loyal because they are not satisfied with their relationships and sometimes, with themselves. Maybe, the passion is gone. It’s not that uncommon that people cheat on their wives or husbands simply because they are tired of forcing it work.
It’s okay if you don’t want to be in a committed relationship. What makes it not okay is when you make the promise to be loyal, and you betray that trust. When you hurt other people in the process of finding your happiness, it’s not cool. If you want out of a relationship or marriage, leave and then start another relationship. That’s my advice. I’m not going to tell you to stay together. That’s up to the couple to decide.