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So, you meet this guy and he’s cute and all, but right away you know he has a clear case of the inability to connect with others. How do you know this? Well, anyone who is emotionally unavailable wears their “unavailable status” on their forehead.

If he’s been hurt a time or two, you can’t blame him for guarding his heart. It’s sad, however, that at this point he can’t treat you the way you want to be treated. Anyone in their right mind would be thinking about backing out. But do you give him a chance and learn how to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable?

If you stay, are you now the person he needs in his life? It’s evident he has trust issues, so can you deal with that or not? If you can’t, are you willing to become the person he needs?

Connecting with the Emotionally Unavailable Man

Can you be loyal to someone you’re not even certain will be yours in the end? I mean, is being patient with the guarded man worth the effort? After all, there’s no sense in learning emotionally unavailable psychology and getting him to trust you if you’re not going to be there. That’s just cruel. 

If you want to know how to get the emotionally unavailable man to open up emotionally, you have to follow specific guidelines. If you want your guy to be vulnerable and talk about his life, you can’t make him feel as though you’re intruding on his private life or being selfish.

There’s a time, place, and a way to get him to open up. Before you go walking away from emotionally unavailable men, ask the right questions to get them to come to the front line. What’s interesting is that if you’re going to have any success, you must learn how to get him to understand how you feel.

Why Can’t I Emotionally Connect With Anyone?

It’s extremely important you show how confident you are, so don’t beat yourself up when he shuts down. Instead, go over this list of questions. These questions will help you understand how to deal with a friend who is emotionally unavailable. What you see here are only a few questions taken from a long list of open-ended questions. They will help you connect with the emotionally unavailable man.

  • What is his opinion on living a good life?
  • Does he feel misunderstood most of the time?
  • What are his biggest regrets in life?
  • How long was his longest long-term relationship?
  • What song sums up his ❤ life?
  • How does the emotionally unavailable man define love?
  • What relationship advice would he give the younger version of himself?
  • Is he friends with his exes?
  • What keeps him awake at night?

How to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable? Before you go just randomly asking these questions, see how he’s feeling first. If he’s had a hard day at work, the last thing he wants to do is answer a bunch of questions. Your mood should be fairly upbeat and optimistic.

If he’s in a good mood, set the room. Dim the lights, do your aromatherapy thing, girl and set out your favorite spirits so y’all can relax. When you’re both comfortable, ask him a few questions just to see how he responds and make answering them fun and rewarding with the emphasis on rewarding!

Maybe offer a hand massage or facial if he answers five questions. Give him a back massage if he answers 10 questions, and so forth. You can write your questions according to your situation and make the prizes fit the kind of answers you get.

He’ll enjoy that and may not realize what you’re doing. I just hope you know what to say to an emotionally unavailable man after you get the answers. Don’t get upset when the answers surprise you. Okay! 

When You Push and I Pull Out  

If you’re going to get along with an emotionally unavailable guy, do things opposite of what you’d normally do. Most people want what they can’t have, so when you push, they push back and no one gets anywhere.

So you can see how this is a problem? Because getting him to open up emotionally was such a problem, it turned you off. When you’re both pushing, you need to just stop and turn your attention to yourself. Focus on you and learn why the emotionally unavailable man keeps coming back. Or better yet, why do you allow it when you deserve better than the crumbs he’s throwing out at you anyway. 

When he can’t emotionally connect with women, start doing things that make you better in terms of personal care. If he sees you’re growing, he may come around. At the same token, he may act needy or despondent. In either case, you’ll see a change in his behavior.

Whatever happens after you turn your attention to yourself, you’ll notice the changes. You may learn that you don’t need to waste your time on an emotionally unavailable relationship. What we all know is you can’t make him or anyone love you if they don’t already have the desire to do so.

It won’t happen if you pray for it. Sometimes closed doors are for reasons that protect us. You can’t ask God to protect you from your enemies and go chasing after them. 

Final Thoughts on What Makes Someone Emotionally Unavailable  

When women start putting all their energies into men who don’t want them, they end up losing the man or themselves. However, smart women (and you’re smart), learn how to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable and stay true to themselves.

You can’t get this man to love you the way you want right now because he doesn’t value you or intimacy the same. So, don’t take it personally if the latter is the case. Remember, you don’t have to work hard to get people to like you. If you want love, love yourself first. This is something I learned while trying to understand the secret struggle of the emotionally unavailable woman. 

How to deal with someone who is emotionally unavailable? It’s the same as dealing with a cold-hearted woman. Begin your days with meditation, prayer, and affirmations. Put on your best looks, including your emotionally unavailable clothing, nails, perfumes, and hairdos. Getting a guy to open up emotionally means you need to stop allowing other men who don’t value you in your life! They block your blessings. You can’t receive the real deal if you’re stuck on the imitations.

(*Read my blog on how to deal with an emotionally unavailable man. It may give  you some more insight on this kind of relationship.)



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