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Self love is above all love. If you cannot find it in your heart to improve yourself for you, you mustn’t try so for another person. We are often critical about ourselves, especially after rejections, and we sometimes desperately try to fix what’s not right with us. 

For centuries, how we have been taught how to dress, how to act and even given a code of conduct with a largely singular motive — to find a man. Thanks to the models in the James Bond movies for giving us the false impression that only a chiseled body is desirable. Because of that, we fall short in practicing self love and we instantly join the gym. In this article, we will talk about how to love yourself first and not just to find a man. 

Why Do We Not Love Ourselves?

It is constructive to be critical about oneself but you must understand the line between self-reflection and self-hate. We often shape our opinions of ourselves by that of others. And thus, we fail to appreciate our potential and take the path of self derogation.

Learning to Love Self 

Working on yourself is very important especially if you are looking to be a better person physically, emotionally, or career-wise. However, improving yourself should never be influenced by the goal of impressing a man. It only makes you an inferior subject of the patriarchal discourse. Loving yourself should be enough motivation for it.

How to Learn to Love Yourself 

Learn to appreciate yourself by looking in the mirror with love and deciding to wear the bodycon dresses or form fitting outfits you always wanted to wear even if your body isn’t picture perfect.

Physical Activity

Investing quality time in exercise to sculpt your body can be the first step in self love. If you don’t know how to improve yourself, physical exercise like Zumba fitness could be a fun start. Follow up with a healthy eating regime and get the body you always wanted, but not just to find a man.


Your health is perhaps the most crucial arena where you wanna work on to truly appreciate yourself. What are ways to practice self love in this department? 

Change your eating habits: Ditch the crash diet for your next date and go for balanced meals. Stop digging in that tub of ice-cream after a breakup. Instead, pick the salad bowl and give some love to your body.

Get your beauty sleep: Do not sacrifice sleep worrying about another person. Your health is more important than any man in your life. (Worry about nothing, pray about everything.) It may surprise what happens to the body when you don’t get enough rest and sleep. Knowing the consequences will give you a better impetus to fall asleep faster.

Give up bad habits: Stop smoking, drinking too often, and consuming high calorie, high sodium foods. If you want to achieve a healthy lifestyle, learn to cook your favorite meals at home or learn how to cook the cuisine or gourmet foods, light the candles and serve the wine, even if it’s a table for one.  

Sex Toys

The world is way beyond the stage where you have to have a man for sexual pleasure. There’s no shame in satisfying yourself vs casual sex. If you know how to make love to yourself, you can teach your partner how to be a better lover. What we learn by using sex toys is how to achieve that orgasm quicker, harder and sometimes, more often. Read sex toys reviews to find the right kind of vibrator or dildos.


Reading imbibes in you a thirst for knowledge and instills in you a fervor for intellectual speculation. If you are interested to know how to improve yourself emotionally and intellectually, read. Books and videos that provide self love tips can be your best friends. They can give you the confidence that only comes from knowing how to build self esteem. Watch this one.

Never change yourself just to find a man. As soon as he leaves, you’ll go back to doing the same bad habits as before. 

Final Word

Thus, stop looking for ways to find a man and learn to love yourself first. Self love is the key. It teaches you how to improve yourself, not just for a relationship. Embark on a self-exploration, self love workshop. Read, travel, invest in your career, and make yourself someone a man would want to marry and not just to be with for a night. Traits of self-confidence and success are highly appreciative and attractive.

Self love, however, does not make checklists. A man who will truly love you will love you for what you are. Self-improvement, as the word suggests, should only be for your own good. Let us know what you think are great self love exercises.  

About the Author

Miranda Davis is a freelance writer in the relation and psychology area. Miranda is interested in such topics as building healthy relationships between people, love/sex compatibility, and how to find the right balance in life in general. She is currently doing specific research on the topic. Miranda loves cooking and long-distance walking.


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