Should my husband come before my family? It’s a difficult decision and no one should have to make it. When your spouse doesn’t put you first like you do them, it hurts.
I know couples go through troubling situations and they need to make tough decisions. Having to pick your child or spouse over the other is not a decision any parent feels comfortable making or should they have to make it.
As a young mother, my then boyfriend’s mother told me to never put a man before my child. I know you have heard older parents say this as well. But when it came from this lady, I was puzzled. I had to check myself. We did spend a lot of time together though I didn’t think I was neglecting my child. We spent time with her, too.
When my mom brought strange men around I didn’t like, I rebelled. And from what I have learned, children can be one big reason why some blended marriages don’t last.
Not to throw the race card, but there are some cultures who don’t put as much emphasis on the needs of the child as others. It could be a generational curse because at one time, children were seen and not heard. In other words, children didn’t pay any bills, therefore, they didn’t have an opinion on what grown folks did or said. Children did as they were told and that was that, but was it right?
Should My Husband Come Before My Family?
Some people believed and acted according to the scripture and it said to put your home in order – God, spouse, children, and others. Others believe though a spouse is optional, but your children will always be your children, so they should be first. That’s an interesting concept because children stop talking to their parents. Their relationships become so strained that neither talk to the other. Now what?
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
But these days, kids are killing their parents and people are looking down on parents for not giving their children the sun and the moon. The only thing I find wrong with putting children first is that nothing is ever good enough. You give them an inch and they want a mile. You dig deeper and give them the extra, however, reluctantly and then they feel entitled. But they say they are not spoiled and that they are grown. Still, you know better than that. You better put your spouse first and let me tell you why.
Why Your Spouse Should Come First
Spoiling our children has backfired essentially. Not only that, loving your child more than your spouse puts relationships in danger. The idea of your long-term marriage failing, hurts. If it doesn’t fail, it’s so close to ending, it takes everything out of you and you don’t even feel up to rebuilding so you just exist in the relationship.
Just as having children was incredible, so was meeting the love of your life. Often, we neglect one of the best parts of our lives because children are mean and immature. If the marriage fails, some children feel partly responsible and sometimes, it is because of their bad behavior. You’ve seen what happens when parents divorce.
Read More: Long-Term Effects of Spoiling Children
While you’re trying to figure out should my husband come before my family, the kid’s grades are dropping. Your kids are lashing out, doing drugs, drinking, and talking back. They literally get into all kinds of trouble, trying to put the pieces back together. not knowing how or what to do. They are only kids and are brand new to this.
Kids need their parents to stay together. They give them hope for their marriages and successes. Celebrating Silver Anniversaries are part of the American dream and parents of stay together for 30 plus years are basically unheard of now.
Should You Love Your Kid More Than Your Spouse?
Jim Daly of Focus and the Family says, “Putting your marriage first gives the child a stable, loving home to grow up in.” Instead of making children first, center them when they can’t take care of themselves. Parents should make each other their priority. Otherwise, the marriage will fall apart and then all you have left are the children. It’s a catch 22 and this is “what you call cynicism.”
No one expects the adult to allow children to roam free and do as they please. That’s not what putting the spouse first means. One thing for certain and that is parents should be one voice. You should not argue about important matters like this in front of them. Putting children first could also be the reason why blended families fail.
But get this: many men say they are not high ranking individuals when it comes to their home. If you follow a Bible-based marriage, the woman usually is in control of the home and children while the father provides. If you’re a devote Christian or Muslim, the children would come first for the mother.
Nowadays, children live busy lives and parents push their children into activities so they don’t fall prey to idleness. Because of this, the mother is busy accommodating the needs of her children. Often, the domino effect leaves the husband somewhere in the folds. If the mother has a career of her own, there’s little time for the husband and this is another reason why husbands cheat. While one may say, it’s a sad excuse for cheating, but isn’t the reason couples marry is to have a life partner?
What it seems like is no one is the winner in this situation. If you push the kids back, they lose. If you push back the spouse, they lose. Putting God first only pushes someone down another notch, ironically. So, now what? You must draw the line somewhere. So really, should my husband come before my family or not?
Priorities in a Blended Family
Yeah, it’s easy to say put your wife or husband first or the kids come first, but until you walk the walk, don’t talk the talk. Be careful who you debate this question. You can read a book, talk to a counselor, therapist, or to couples married 30 or more years to get solid feedback.
“But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.” 1 Corinthians 11:3
But remember, their interpretation may be based on their traditional views and understanding how a successful marriage operates. Nonetheless, you’ll have to decide if putting your partner first in a relationship is the right thing to do. The decision is yours to make.
Should my husband come before my family? Don’t you wish the answer was as simple as drawing straws? If you expect anyone to answer this question here, good luck with that. It’s like asking the wife if she’s fat in the dress. You want to answer truthfully, but something’s nagging at you.
If you don’t tell the truth, she won’t trust you because you lied. Never mind that you told the finagled the truth to protect her feelings, and it sounded good at the time, but you lied. Point blank. So good luck with your decision. I pray it works out for you. Until then, it’s time to check out. See ya’!