How the world thinks dads are heroes when they are only doing what they are supposed to do is ironic, don’t you think? If a man starts dating a single mom with 3 kids, he’s a superhero. Well, what about a woman who is dating a man with kids? What does that make her? Crazy. Yes, indeed… crazy. Have you thought about this?
Stepmoms don’t have supernatural powers and a cape. She is still human. This woman is a mere mortal with imperfections, though she has a plethora of attributes. She’s beauty, strength, passion, intelligence, and agility. But she’s all that and more.
However, society has placed exceptional value on men dating single mothers. If you’re dating a man with kids, you should know a thing or two before you step in. As you already know, the roles are not the same, and neither are the rules.
How to Date with Kids
While you’re dating with kids of your own, you will undoubtedly see how much his kids like you or even want to be around you right away. They don’t have to say a word to let their feelings be known. If they don’t like you at first, respect that. Don’t try to force yourself on them.
You should, however, try to change their minds, but take it one day at a time. Like you did with their dad, you must build a relationship, and solid relationships don’t happen overnight. Understandably, the children are going through a lot right now having to grow up without both parents in the same household. Whatever the scenario may be that brought them to a single parent home, don’t be so tough on them or yourself.
Challenges of Dating a Single Parent
Let’s face it. If you don’t know the answers, you just don’t know. You can’t fault yourself for not having the knowledge or the tools to adapt to an unknown situation. How can you respond to a particular situation with certainty when you didn’t suspect you’d ever be in that role? If it turns out perfectly, it likely happened by chance or by the great advice of someone with experience.
What I’ve learned as a parent is to never say never. Throw those thoughts out the window. You don’t ever know what you’re going to do until you are standing in those shoes. I can guarantee until it goes down, you can only speculate the events and your response to them.
Whether you like it or not, the kid’s mother is not going anywhere. If she’s a good mother, she’s there for the duration, and he’ll always be their father. Now, if you choose to stay in the relationship, it will be you guys for a very long time. This is not a television show; this is real-life events.
The three or four adults can enjoy being in a healthy relationship where the kids are concerned, or it can be a dreadful one. But the way the parents behave will set the tone for the kid’s behavior. You can believe that. When a woman starts dating a man with kids seriously, she takes on the kid’s mother, just as he would take on a woman with kids and the baby daddy.
When to Introduce Kids to Boyfriend/Girlfriend
What I believe may not mean much to anyone, but when your boyfriend/girlfriend meets the kids, the introduction should be well thought out. However, some individuals don’t value their children’s opinions when it comes to dating or who they see. I mean, not everyone knows how to date with kids.
It would help if you talked to your kids before springing a new person on them. Kids are people, too. They have attitudes and opinions whether we like them or not. Parents should respect their children, I think. I’m not saying that children should have a say in who the adult dates, but when you consider someone for the long-term and particularly marriage, I believe it’s essential for everyone to get along.
Respect is everything. It’s significant in the relationship between the adults as well as the children. So, having said that, make sure you’re serious about the person you’re dating before you bring them around. Not sure when to introduce them? Put a timeline on it. Decide on a year, six months, or whenever you feel comfortable that they aren’t going to leave as soon as they meet the kids.
No matter if you move in with him or if he moves in with you, do your best always to make everyone feel welcome, at ease, and loved. If you’re dating a man with kids and it gets to the point where the kids need a room of their own, get them involved in the process if possible and make the room their own. Don’t try and change their routines or how they do things, especially if they are positive activities.
Discipline and Dating a Man with Kids
Single parents dating each other is a beautiful thing, more so if they plan to get married. You should both know going forward that even biological parents have disagreements about disciplining their children. Expect it to happen even when you’re just dating a man with kids.
Hopefully, your values are the same, and if not, you have to agree on who will discipline the children or be the head of the household. It’s easy to let the kids get away with murder when you feel sorry for them or when you try to overcompensate for their loss. You must stay firm, however, and remember, you can’t reward bad behavior. That’s not cool.
I used to have single mom dating rules, maybe it would help if you developed your own especially when it comes to blending families. I had some idea about how to handle dating with a baby. It was never easy having to hide dating from my child or choosing not to date. At first, it may be tough to find a happy place, but it’s there.
You all can do it. Spend time together, spend some time in prayer, come together at the dinner table, and always make time for family night. Spend time with the kids and not just share the same space with them, but never, ever, neglect the needs of your children for the desires of the flesh. Don’t allow your or his children to disrespect you while you’re dating a man with kids.