I’ve been through some relationships, and each one has been a learning experience. They have all offered something different and while this is true; I had to learn what works and what mistakes that lead to divorce to avoid.
After talking to a few of my married friends, readers, or my friends in long-term relationships, I’ve put together the top mistakes that lead to divorce. One husband says marriage was a mistake, but keep in mind, relationships have two sides.
Arguments take two people and it also takes a couple to enjoy a healthy relationship. Work to keep your relationship alive. These behaviors belong to both men and women. In either case, note these things if you want to stay together.
Talk too Much and to the Wrong People
Stop talking to your friends and your family about your problems. It’s natural your friends are going to take your side and his friends will probably see his point of view, too. If you have protective friends like I do, it’s about to go down.
Not only will they have biased opinions, but they forget how men and women differ. Some of your friends, although they may mean well, will have you thinking your marriage is a mistake.
How to fix it: Schedule a counselling session with your psychologist, pastor, minister or priest. If you’re going to blab about your business, it might as well be to a professional. Talk to someone who can offer solutions to your problems instead of poor advice.
We Don’t Talk about Money
The survey says 55% of America married and the other half, or 45%, are still waiting. Those who jumped the broom advise singles planning on living together or being in a committed relationship to talk about the money! Talk about it, talk about it, and get your money right. You both should agree on money issues if you’re both paying bills where you sleep. Don’t let this be one of the mistakes that lead to divorce in your household.
How to fix it: Plan who’s going to pay for what before you move in together and discuss how you will spend money.
Read More: 10 Signs You Married the Wrong Person
Men Stop Working Out and Start Eating More
Now that you’re married, one of the most common mistakes husbands makes in marriage is to let their bodies go. They expect their wives to look like a million bucks with 5 kids and three extra jobs.
They settled into the idea you will always be there and will always feel a sexual attraction to them. That may be true, you can’t buy a beautiful thriving plant and expect it to stay that way just because you put it in the window. You still have to water it and as it grows, change the pot and the soil. If you don’t give it the attention it needs, it will die and she will at least look at other plants. Your sex life may suffer because of it and you don’t want that!
How to fix it: Start a workout plan or a strategy to lose weight. Decide on how much to take off and go shopping together so you can prepare the meals or to get clothes or shoes you’ll need. Maybe get a fresh cut and shave, too. Or as an alternative, grow a beard.
Thinking Your Spouse Can Make You Happy
I see much of this advice in the comments above. Why do you think you’re still not happy after your spouse changed for you, Jada Pinkett-Smith? If there was something wrong with your spouse, and they fixed it so you’ll be happy, but when it’s fixed, you’re still not happy, then it was you all along. It wasn’t them. Only you can make you happy. If you’re not content or even friends with yourself, if you can’t love yourself, and there’s nothing the other person can do to make you happy.
How to fix it: Understand what you must do to keep the relationship healthy and do it. You may have to change something about yourself, but once you fix your shortcomings, it will be easier to give your spouse what they need. Once you fix you, half the battle is over. I’ve heard so many women say “my biggest mistake was leaving my husband and he didn’t even do anything wrong. It was me the entire time.“
Focus on you… do you. If you’re happy, and your spouse is happy, then you can be a happy couple.
Separate Bank Accounts
This is one argument I don’t want to have. Some women believe that his money is her money and you’ll find that over half of the couples believe this craziness, but okay. They put all their money into one account and call it their money.
Stats show that 15% of other couples keep separate bank accounts and keep some money ‘hidden’ from their spouses. However, this could be a problem for the significant other who finds out about the hidden assets. Also, the lack of money ruins relationships, so be careful on how you spend money cause it could turn out to be one those mistakes that lead to divorce.
How to fix it: Open the joint account and keep your money safe. Pay bills with it after you decide on each other’s role in spending it. They say this will make the relationship stronger.
Stop Thinking You’re Entitled
Entitlement can kill any relationship. While we may be worthy of the best, no one should feel like the other person owes them anything for their love.
How to fix it: Replace entitlement with worth and communicate delicately instead of making unreasonable demands. This is one of the top divorce mistakes to avoid.
Communicate with Love and Empathy
Every relationship will go through good times and bad times. How you get through the bad is with effective communication. Don’t blame and shame each other. Instead, try to get to the root of the problem and destroy the negative aspects.
How to fix it: Listen to each other and don’t judge each other. Understand where the other person is coming from as if you were on the outside looking in. Be neutral and communicate feelings and emotions and come up with a solution.
You’ve Become Strangers
We work so hard to make ends meet and to have a beautiful home. Some of us just work hard to pay bills and can’t afford to splurge on a $3,000 bedroom set. With that said, it’s even harder to spend any quality time together. One mistake we make is thinking date night has to cost us something. True, it’s nice to treat each other to a night on the town with dinner and dancing, but you don’t always have to pay full price or go to the fanciest part of town.
How to fix it: Use coupons, buy a gift certificate that allows you to eat more for less. Take advantage of the deal meals restaurants like Chili’s offers. Their 3 for $10 meal deals are delicious. If not that, you may cook like a Master Chef.
Do you live by the beach? Take the dinner down by the water and add some flameless candles and don’t forget the playlist. You can do something similar in the truck’s bed or the tailgate. Sometimes, a box of strawberries and wine can mean a lot to a woman. Some couples love the simple life and homemade burgers, fries, and a few beers are more their style.
Shop the clearance racks and shelves for tremendous deals when you know her birthday is coming. There are plenty of items you can pick up on throughout the months she’d love. Think lingerie, perfume, masks, candy, jewelry and more. Start in enough time and you can rack up on several gifts and she’ll think you spent way too much on her.
Whatever you decide, just make the memories. Talk, laugh out loud until you fart, but above all, just spend a little time together, alone. Don’t be afraid to get dirty, mess up your hair or let your guard down.
The pain of marrying the wrong person can be brutal and leave you feeling lost and alone. Do what you can to miss making mistakes that lead to divorce.