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My child doesn’t like my new partner and I’m okay with that. I don’t know about you, but it scares me to date sometimes so I need all the help I can to weed out the bad apples. With everything else going on in the world, it’s sad to hear child abuse stories.

The news seems to report a child suffering from abuse and by the hands of a woman’s boyfriend. If not that, then it’s the woman or a woman is blaming a black man for hurting her kids. When we hear horrible abuse stories against babies, we are quick to blame the mother. Child abuse stories outrage me no matter who’s inducing it.

However, the signs are not always visible when your partner and child don’t get along. Some abusers are experts at hiding their malicious skeletons and deceptions. Because of this, there are many signs she and others around them may not see.

It may not be you need to learn how to help your child accept a new relationship. Even though you try and screen the people you date, you never know who you’re bringing into your life and your child’s life. Regretfully, it can even be the child’s biological father who hurts them the most.

We need to be clear on the warning signs. Children will tell you when something is not right with an adult if only we listen. You must be in tune with your gut instinct as well while we’re thinking about these signs. 

Again, you can take as many precautions as necessary, but some people slip through the cracks. There are just as many women abusers as there are men, so let me set the record straight before you think I’m judging or bashing a gender. As parents, we are responsible for who comes into their lives. At the same time, I will not beg you to be a part of my child’s life.

You want to make sure the new person you’re dating is serious and knows you have children or a child right away. The person you choose to date should be mentally stable, mature, and can deal with stress with a cool head. If the person you’re dating pops off at any given irritation, you may need to think seriously about leaving your children with this person or even dating this person.

You should be dating with a purpose to start with if you’re bringing them to meet your kids. Regardless of your relationship goals, here are some of the red flags or signs of an abusive partner.

How Bad Does He Want to Meet the Kids?

None of my dates were in a great hurry to meet my child. How about your partners? Yeah, I didn’t think so. With that said, if your date wants to meet your children right away and start spending time with them, I’d consider this as a red sign. I’d have to read a few child abuse research articles and do background research to find out why it is so important he meet my kids right away. It may scare me to the point I would quit the relationship.

Does Your Partner Self Medicate?

Most of us have a “thing.” Some of us smoke cigarettes or weed to release stress; some of us take a shot of alcohol to cool off. Then some must have it no matter what the day brings or what time of day it is. Your partner may have bigger fish to fry if this is the case, and I wouldn’t date someone with a severe addiction.

Protecting Your Child from Toxic Family

So you checked out his family, right? How do they react to stress and drama? Do they stir the tea? You should take their reaction as a sign that this behavior is the norm, and they will probably resort to it when it comes to your children.

Is History Repeating Itself?

Does your partner have a history of toxic family stories? It’s likely your parents treated you the way their parents treated them, and so, if you treat your children that way, the cycle keeps repeating itself. That is until someone straightens up and flies right. Has your partner decided on a better and more positive outcome? 

Can’t Manage Emotions

As an adult, you should be able to control how you feel or how you react to a situation. Self-control is a must when facing challenges of the day, especially when dealing with children. My child doesn’t like my new partner because the adult is acting like a 2-year-old. 

My Boyfriend Gets Annoyed with My Son Fast

If your partner overreacts to the little things now, how will it be moving in with new partner+children? Will he or she react to an accident? If he can’t handle the little things, he may find your energetic children just a little much and get angry with your kids over nothing.

Boyfriend Not Bonding with My Child

Some people are stubborn; however, if your mate is dead set against listening to your children to see their side of the story or seeing things another way, it may be a problem. No two people are the same, and because children are not the same, no one should treat them the same.

“I Didn’t Do It”

Who hasn’t heard that as a parent? No one ever does anything in a houseful of people. But when grown-ups can’t admit to doing something wrong or saying something out of order, there’s an issue. Adults should take responsibility for their actions.

Physically Abused

There are at least 8 types of abuse, but if you were ever physically abused before, you know it ain’t no fun. You don’t even know when that person will hit you again, and if so, will this be the last time you take a breath? No one should live in fear; it is no way for you or the children to live. 

If your partner hits you or the child in a physically abusive way, leave. Point blank, leave. It’s not worth it. You can’t have your child growing up thinking it’s okay, or this is a proper way to treat people because it’s not. 

Violence is never the answer unless you are defending yourself against someone. Before you commit to any relationship, learn how to protect yourself from toxic family members.

My Child Doesn’t Like My New Partner 

Now, if my child didn’t like a man I brought home, he had to go. My mom taught me that one. I could like the guy, but if my daughter had funny feelings being around him, I wouldn’t date him. And I’ll tell you something else if you promise to keep it a secret. Some people will get this, and some won’t, but if I smoked around you and became paranoid, I didn’t mess with you, period. So, combine the two, and it was a wrap. That was a deal-breaker.

Don’t get me wrong; I never told my child about this “rule” until she had kids of her own, so it wasn’t like my daughter doesn’t want me to have a boyfriend. I didn’t want her to abuse her authority, but it worked for me. Because at the end of the day, we all had to get along. But if my child doesn’t like my new partner and it’s because he’s putting hands on her, there would be hell to pay. I bet you that and I know you all feel the same way. 

I actually grew to depend on my daughter’s “approval” or “disapproval.” Don’t take the red flags or rumors of child abuse stories for granted. Which of the signs resonates with you? Was there something your mom taught you to look out for? If so, visit my FB fan page and leave me your comments under this post. Thanks a lot. I appreciate you all.

 

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Mikki Donaldson is a southern girl, born in “hard time Mississippi.” She, like her town, has seen many hurricanes, but bounce back each time. Mikki is no different from any other person with a passion, late to bed and early to rise. The writer adores her family and seeks to leave her mark on this remarkable world.