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Are you dating a guy and he’s not showing any signs he’s letting his guard down? Did you expect him to fall in love with you right away? It’s only been a couple of months and while we have advanced the relationship, he’s still trying to figure it out.

It’s okay if he doesn’t know what to do with you at this point. In the meantime, be there for him and he’ll appreciate you. Not only be there for him but make sure you’re doing your thing so he sees you as a woman of value.

You should take it slow and let him do the chasing. Don’t worry about tomorrow, next month or next year, and don’t try and put a label on the relationship either. You’ll frighten the poor guy away with too much too soon. Guys who have their guard up will ghost on you in a heartbeat when you’re too aggressive.

Suggested Reading: Relationship Without Titles: What Does That Mean?

It could be that he hasn’t let his guard down for a couple of reasons. I mean, if you learned anything at all from your past experiences, it’s got to be not to rush in. Here’s a thought: Have you ever considered that you are strongly attracted to guys who have their guard up and that’s why you keep repeating this pattern? Why can’t you just enjoy dating for a change and go with the flow?

Could it be you think because you’re dating you’re in a relationship? Well, that’s farthest from the truth. Dating is dating, plain and simple. You must be sure you’re in a relationship before you ask “where is this relationship going?” While you’re dating, take advantage of being single and fall in love with yourself. It’s one of the ways to get your boyfriend to let his guard down, but here are more tips:

How to Break Down a Man’s Emotional Wall


  • Be his number one fan. Do the little things that will make him happy. Show him you have his best interest at heart. Once he’s certain of this, he will go out of his way to make you happy.
  • When a man lets his guard down, let him be who he is as an individual. If he likes his tee with the many holes in it, then let him have it. Don’t be so shallow that you will throw away things that make him comfortable. Besides, it’s a fashion trend started by a celebrity who can afford new tees for everybody. And because you accept him for who he is, he’ll feel better about the relationship and may decide to throw the shirt away on his own.
  • Give your man something he has never had before. Find out what his fantasy is and make it come true, within reason of course. He will be impressed by how remarkable you are.
  • When a guy opens up to you about his past, pay attention to what he’s saying. Give him your undivided attention and look him in the eyes so he knows you’re listening. You want to ask questions so you know how it affected him emotionally, but be careful. You don’t want to do or say anything that will scare him or prevent him from sharing intimate moments with you again because these are signs a guarded man is falling for you.
  • When a guy tells you personal things about himself, make him feel safe. Don’t say anything that you wouldn’t want him to say if the shoe were on the other foot. Don’t question him about stuff that doesn’t matter and don’t show your insecurities or make him feel bad about his. Show him it’s okay if he’s vulnerable around you and that he can trust you with his feelings.
  • Don’t start a fight as soon as he walks in the door. If he’s exhausted, put off confronting him until another day if it’s not an emergency. Now would be a good time to pamper your man. But if you must discuss what’s bothering you, do so with tact and maturity. Emotional stability goes a long way.
  • Be a joy to be around. It’s hard to be around someone who complains all the time. Stop judging people and stop gossiping. I mean, let’s face it… nobody is perfect. We’ve all done some things that could raise an eyebrow or two, including you.
  • If you want your guy to become emotionally attached to you, let him know he’s appreciated by doing those little things which are actually huge in his eyes. This is how to get a guy to let his guard down. It’s one of the fastest ways I know to a man’s heart.
  • Don’t tell your business. There could be nothing worse than to hear your personal business from someone outside your circle of friends and know you didn’t say anything to anybody.
  • No one likes a needy person. I mean, everyone goes through a rough patch every now and again, but when it becomes a habit, it can be a turn-off. Don’t have your hand out every time you see him.
  • The family is important to a man. Sometimes the mother is the most important person is a man’s life and if she doesn’t like you… well, it’s going to be tough times ahead.
  • Being patient with the guarded man will help you grow closer. If he is to let his guard down, you’ll need to wait for it. Be persistent, but not pushy. Be patient, but don’t give up. The bond and emotional closeness will emerge, but it just won’t happen overnight.

Having Your Guard Up in Relationships

If after reading these tips, you realize you’ve been doing those things and he still hasn’t come around, then it may be time to have a serious conversation. A man with any intelligence will not let you go including a man with a guarded heart. You know your worth as a woman and you have proven you’re the “whole-package” by treating him like a man.

Suggested Reading: Relationship Advice for Women Dating Emotionally Unavailable Men

You’re mature and have self-confidence. You support him wholeheartedly. There’s nothing left for you to do. It’s up to your boyfriend to let his guard down now. If he doesn’t, I would not stick around much longer for him to make his mind up.

You have a lot to offer someone with the same qualities as you. Try dating someone else for a change and do so without guilt. Break it off with him first. This way, he can’t say you betrayed him. You were straightforward and put the ball in his court. He just received a penalty for holding too long. That’s all.

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