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Women ask ‘Why can’t I let go of him?’ all the time. Well, what I know is when it comes to relationships, you either feel something or you feel nothing. Some people don’t understand what it is to be emotionally numb… to be void of feelings.

If I feel something, it’s difficult even for me to know how to let go of a relationship when I deserve better. On the other hand, if I don’t care one way or another if he walks out the door, I can move on without suffering from a broken heart.

But when you love someone, just thinking of them makes you happy and being apart makes you sad. It doesn’t matter if you just saw each other two days ago, you still miss each other and the thought of breaking up really hurts but here’s the kicker:

When you’re sad more than you’re happy in your relationship, it’s time to really look at the relationship with your eyes wide open and realize you deserve better. When the other person isn’t doing much to salvage the relationship, and all you want to do is to hang on, it’s time to let go.

You may feel like you can’t let go, but you can. Hanging on won’t make situations any better. It’s important for you to realize you may not feel as devastated as you think.

In case you are hurt or broken, it’s going to take a little more effort than usual to stay the course. In light of this, let’s talk about why we feel the way we feel, okay?

Why Can’t I Let Go of Him?

I know you keep thinking it’s going to be different this time, but you keep repeating the same thing you did last time. You’re heartbroken and disappointed. At some point, you must ask yourself is he even worth it? Because he really didn’t treat you the way you should have been treated and you deserve better.

The reason why we can’t let go of someone is that deep inside we still hope they will change.

He says he wasn’t ignoring you and that he was busy, but you know better. He’s always claiming something important happened and he can’t stay long if he comes at all. He said his ex means nothing to him, but he’s always helping her.

Why do you continue to let him treat you this way when you know you deserve better. You’re losing yourself and any self-respect in this relationship.

You walk away feeling small and empty but why he can’t let you go? You don’t want to break up with him cause you’re afraid if you leave, he’ll realize you’re the one. Or what if you leave and he was finally ready to treat you the way you deserve to be treated?

Based on what could happen, you talk yourself into staying. If you were honest with yourself, you know the chances of it actually happening are slim to none. But you keep hope alive and go even harder.

You’re on pins and needles trying not to say anything to upset him. You don’t complain about anything he does and you become this person nobody knows. This is madness. Don’t you think you deserve better?

Let Go of Him Without Guilt

Truth be told, no relationship is perfect. It’s impossible because humans have flaws. Arguments are normal. Well, when they happen from time to time. No one should fight all of the time. That’s unhealthy. Hopefully, when you do fight, you don’t say anything you can’t take back or regret saying.

Healthy relationships help you to grow. They make you feel better and you want to be a better person. When you don’t get that, you may want to rethink the relationship although you care. It doesn’t matter if the other person is a family member or a friend.

Let Go of Him and Avoid Contact

You don’t have to be friends with your ex especially when the wounds are still fresh.  Although you should cut ties after your breakup, you don’t have to burn the bridge, says Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D., relationship expert. Leave the bridge in a condition where there’s a way to rebuild.

I Deserve Better: Why Cant I Let Go of Him couple at beach woman talk to the hand photo by toa heftiba min
When you get tired, you’ll let him go. You’ll find out letting go was easier than you thought. Photo by Toa Heftiba

Just make sure when the time is right, the foundation is stronger. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your emotional well-being. 

“He that getteth wisdom loveth his own soul: he that keepeth understanding shall find good.” – Proverbs 19:8, KJV

Stop Fantasizing

You may not realize it, but the pain you feel almost has nothing to do with the relationship itself, but the one you imagined, says author and dating coach, David WygantMostly, you’re aware of the things that went wrong, so it’s no surprise when it’s over, or at least, it shouldn’t be.

Let Go of Him and the Past

It’s natural to feel pain when someone hurts you, but eventually, you must deal with it and let go of the pain. Anger only harms the person harboring it, mentally and physically. We bring the past into our future relationships, therefore, we sabotage potentially good matches.

You Don’t Have to Hate Them

Know that it’s perfectly okay to still have feelings for them. Part of growing up is knowing that love is not the only ingredient in a successful relationship.

Love Yourself Most of All

Wygant says “if you go back and think about the relationship you left behind, you’ll see it was over long before you surrendered and let go.” At the end of the day, it’s all about you and how you feel.

If the relationship isn’t working, and you’ve done all you can to make it work, let him go. It’s the only answer because you deserve better. Let go of him, self-doubt, self-loathing and learn to love yourself. Good luck with this, my friend. 

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