Girlfriend, it seems as though you’re having one relationship failure after the other. I know you must be feeling sad and confused. Maybe, you’re a little angry at yourself. I know how you feel… I have certainly been there!
Relationships are difficult as is and when the one which gave you so much hope fails, it’s painful as can be. I know you’re thinking not again. It wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t any baggage that comes with it, but the bad stuff lingers on like Mariah Carey’s greatest hits.
Bad relationships will have you not trusting other people, and sometimes, you become withdrawn and distant. Being a guarded woman, I know all too well what feeling like a failure in a relationship is all about.
Yep, Sam wrote “Too Good at Goodbyes” for me. Sad, but true. However, relationships are a learning experience. You take it for what it’s worth and carry on.
While you’re still in the relationship though, all you do is hurt the other person. You eventually destroy every bit and piece of that bridge… you just blow it up! Hey, no judgment here. I can relate to a mild case of psychodrama if I picture my last relationship failure.
When we’ve had enough, we look for change and we look for help. With this in mind, I’m truly glad you came. We’re going to go over the signs of a failing relationship so you know what to look for and give you some solid failing relationship advice to help you break the trend.
Signs of a Sinking Relationship
It seems like every relationship fails… well, mine never last long. You’ll know when it starts going downhill. What was once cute is now highly annoying. You start to see all of other his flaws, and all his little weird habits and behaviors. To be honest, they get on your nerves!
The blissful phase was over so quickly and intensely, I thought we’d never talk again, but we did. Although you can’t control or change him, there is something you can do to have a lasting and loving relationship as well.
The first thing you have to do is pay attention! You’ll see the signs or at least, I feel like I’m failing as a girlfriend when:
- He stops returning text messages or phone calls
- Don’t spend any time together
- He doesn’t listen or you tune out
- He’s rolling his eyes and you’re looking at him sideways
- You stop touching one another, no hugs, no kisses
I know you want to remedy relationship failure, but it takes work. If either of you wants to go separate ways, then so be it. Let the other person go. You can’t force anyone to be where they don’t want to be. Besides, a forced relationship is never any fun or is it fair. You never know what blessings are around the corner if you stay.
Not only is it not fun, but it’s not the signs of a healthy relationship either. However, if both of you want to make the relationship happen, then take a look at why relationships fail nowadays.
You Can’t Change Him, But You Can Change
I believe you’d be doing yourself a favor to remedy relationship failure by just letting things happen naturally. Yeah, you should and I’ll tell you why. Rushing in almost always guarantees you’re going to be a failure at love. I mean, I bet at some point in the relationship one person was moving too fast. But here’s the kicker:
If you have relationship goals and that is you’re looking for a husband, let him know up front. There’s no sense in beating around the bush or lying to him. He may be looking for a casual relationship and in that case, you may want to go your own ways.
1. Turn on the Heat
Let him know he’s desirable and avoid conflict by any means necessary. Show him you can be passionate if you’ve been a little cold lately. Remedy relationship failure by touching him. Put his face in your hands and kiss him on the side of his lips or smile and look him in the eyes.
2. Stop Being So Negative
Boo, no one but no one wants to be around a gripe all the time. Find something positive to say or don’t say anything at all. The more you complain, the more things stay the same. Yep, that’s a true statement.
3. Give Him Breathing Room
Momma always told me don’t go over to people’s houses when they first get off work, to let them unwind. Well, that’s good advice and it applies here as well.
If you know your dude works hard, don’t hit him with a list of chores to do when he walks through the door or complain about your day. That doesn’t sound like he’s appreciated. Give the man some space to relax and actually “come home.”
4. Help Him Relax
Back in the day, I loved doing for my man. I’d take his shoes off, make him a drink and fix his dinner. I’d have to say the mood music didn’t hurt either. (Why don’t I do that anymore? Hmmm) But anyway, my then boyfriend enjoyed his girl catering to him to the fullest, but he was way cool and deserved that and more.
5. Calm Your Psycho
Y’all just met. Don’t unleash your wild side so fast. You don’t want to seem like the crazy lady, so don’t involve yourself in situations where people are filming and posting your road rage, fights with the drive-thru attendant or the gumball machine.
Behaving immaturely, making a scene in public, especially out of anger or jealousy, is not attractive and it certainly won’t remedy relationship failure. You won’t come off as being a strong woman who’s ‘handling her business,’ but one he doesn’t want to wife or mother his children. Keep it up and you’ll become the side chick or the one he keeps on a string.
Slow your roll and count to ten, or grab your purse and walk away. There’s no shame in walking away from confrontation or in marriage counseling.
6. All You Do Is Criticize
You’re not going to remedy relationship failure if every time you speak to him, you feel you must nag or whine about something, stop. Dating is the process of getting to know one another. If he’s not doing something right, tell him calmly and constructively so he’s receptive of your needs and not on the defensive end.
Set up an environment conducive to open communication even it takes breaking out the wine and candle lights and making a romantic atmosphere in the backyard.
Remedy Relationship Failure
When I could ask myself why do my relationships keep failing is when I started healing. In any close relationship, you’ll find hurt and pain. We’re imperfect…of course, we’re going to make mistakes.
If you’re going to remedy relationship failure at all, you must love yourself. Take responsibility for your behavior and learn how to share yourself in a positive way. Remember, you can’t change his way of thinking, but you can stroke his ego. If you do all of the above, then you can heal the relationship. It’s as simple as that.