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I know you thought you’d never have to wonder what to do when your partner doesn’t want to be intimate. I mean, you’re sexy and you know it. You’re that girl, but for some reason, your partner doesn’t want to be intimate! Ugh!

Months have gone by and you’ve done everything you could think of and still, he turns his back and goes to sleep. If you’re not living together yet, he doesn’t even give you the opportunity to ask if he’s staying the night because he’s fast out the door after dinner.

You put on your sexiest outfit you got from Shein and still, nothing! WTH is going on? You beat yourself up thinking why won’t he sleep with me!? Your feelings are hurt and you’re feeling rejected in the worst way. So, you instinctively withdraw and now there’s enough tension in the place to quieten the Holy Ghost.

You don’t want to accuse him of seeing another woman or even scarier, another man, but the fact your partner doesn’t show much affection anymore is driving you wild. If it makes you feel any better, you’re not by yourself.

Senior couple sitting far apart on the sofa after any argument
Not talking has never solved any problem, but it will put distance and tension in the relationship.

Dr. Gail Gross, author, Ph.D., Ed.D., M.Ed., says plenty of women go through this same situation. In fact, there are over 20 million marriages in the US who have experienced this same predicament. Nonetheless, there are a few possibilities why your partner doesn’t want to be intimate and we will discuss them, but we need to find the cause of the hesitancy, so let’s do it.

Reasons Why Your Boyfriend Doesn’t Want to be Intimate

Finding out the cause is the key. There are reasons why he has stopped having sex with you or even why your partner doesn’t touch you like he used to do. You may be surprised it could have nothing at all to do with you. A low sex drive could be due to a medical problem.

Lack of Affection

Did you get out of the habit of kissing him hello or goodbye? Do you hug him when he’s feeling down? Dr. Raphael Darvish, Concierge Medicine in LA says his lack of interest in sex could be because you’ve strayed from doing those things you used to do. If he doesn’t feel wanted, it could eventually hurt your relationship.

Male Menopause

Low testosterone is a pretty normal answer as to why your partner doesn’t want to be intimate as he gets older. The co-founder of Sylvana Institute for Medical Aesthetics, Jeanne O’Connell, MD, and medical director, tells us men go through their own menopause or andropause. It’s not something that takes place suddenly like in women, but having a decrease in sex drive is normal.


Is your man stressed out? How are the finances? Is he drinking too much or using drugs at all? This could affect his sex drive and his performance as well as too much exercise. Yeah, you read right. Too much of anything has adverse effects, my friend.

Using Medication

Taking anti-depressants or having specific illnesses will cause your husband or boyfriend to experience erectile dysfunction, preventing him from showing interest in sex. Even a prior trauma in his life could diminish his interest and this is why your partner doesn’t want to be intimate.

Porn Addict

Even celebrities such as famous gospel singer Kirk Franklin have come out about their addictions to porn. Although it may start out as fun, it could develop into much more for some men.

Lack of Sleep

When a guy doesn’t want to sleep with you it could be something as simple as not getting enough sleep. Sleeplessness could adversely affect the way he feels about sex, especially if there’s a new baby in the house.

What to do When Your Husband Doesn’t Want You

I forgot to ask if you have talked to him about these issues? What did he say? If you talked to him, what kind of impression did you get from his answers? He could be upset or angry with you and is holding it in to avoid confrontation. He could be a little vague and this is common, but what you may discover is that his issues are emotional.

Woman holding pillow upset with boyfriend
You must communicate your feelings in order to solve any problem.

It could be your partner doesn’t want to be intimate because you lost or gained weight. Have you checked your hygiene lately? Did you let yourself go, girlfriend? Hmmm, we must remember he fell for the whole package and while you think he should love you regardless of a few pounds, he may feel differently. Keep up your appearance. This includes your hair and makeup.

On the other hand, has situations changed as such you feel the need to control everything? Yeah, men tend to turn off when women take too much control and become critical of their every move. I can be a little aggressive myself. So, I get your frustrations as I’ve been there, too, wondering why won’t he sleep with me.

Well, if it’s not any of that, could he be bored in the bedroom? My advice to you is to try a little something different. Be unpredictable. If you’re the type of woman who only likes one position, try his favorite.

partner doesn't want to be intimate
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Put on some sexy lingerie and serve him upright. What you do behind closed doors is your business. There’s nothing wrong with opening up to him in the garage or engaging in the bed of his Chevy. Come out of your shell, girlfriend… come on. You can do it!

Communication is the key to all relationships. It could be a little embarrassing at first, but you’ll get through it and it’ll be a little easier next time.

If at the end of the day, you’ve done everything you could and still your partner doesn’t want to be intimate, you can seek counseling or leave. The decision is up to you. Good luck with everything. God bless.


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