Sure, everyone wants love and to be in a relationship, including me, but sometimes, relationships give me anxiety. Yeah, I tend to ghost, especially in those relationships moving too fast. Dating, falling in love and committing to a relationship takes time and although some believe in love at first sight, I still think love has to grow.
Dr. Ryan Howes, a psychologist, says, “Sometimes people connect with another person quickly and feel so relieved that they’re not alone that they rush to make it more permanent.” However, when the blinders come off, they realize this is not what it do. They see the other person’s faults and they are truly disappointed.
Too many people are in a rush to Boo up. Because of this, they don’t make good choices for partners. People try and build-a-partner instead. While there aren’t any relationship rules regarding how fast a relationship should develop, there are plenty of red flags you should watch for.
The red flags will tell you if you’re heading into an unhealthy relationship. Of course, you can’t see them because of the blinders you’re wearing. Relationships moving too fast makes it hard to see the obvious. I’m not perfect, but I have common sense. Nonetheless, relationship therapists and coaches agree with the relationship advice you’re about to receive.
Too Quick to Trust
Some people say you earn trust and I tend to agree with them. Just because a person seems cool, they may not be especially if you just met them on a dating site. Being alone or feeling lonely, you may feel vulnerable and this makes you want to open up to people.
However, your biggest mistake could be to tell someone you don’t know your secrets. If you talk to a professional counselor like Tammer Malaty of Malaty Therapy, you will agree you gain “trust through actions, not words.” Give little information in the beginning. If he earns your trust at some point in the relationship, you can share the startling news then, however, I’d still be careful of what was revealed. Some of y’all already know the deal.
You Don’t Know This Person
Don’t stop going out with your friends and family just to be with this new person. You don’t know anything about them and the first thing you want to do is make them your world. Stop that. This is not signs of a healthy relationship.
When They Say “I love You” Too Soon
Saying “I love you” right after you meet someone is scary. It’s enough to run me away. I’m sure some of you guys feel the same way.
Moshe Ratson says some people get love confused with infatuation or lust and in the heat of the moment, they say those three little words. Who is Moshe Ratson? Well, Moshe is a marriage therapist practicing in NYC, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out love is not instantaneous.
When You Start Talking About Marriage
You don’t even know each other bad habits or good ones, yet you trying to set a date to get married. You should be thinking about what happens after the bomb sex… what is there to talk about or to do? How does he handle his frustrations? Is she the psycho woman from the Sza and Travis Scott video? That story is a prime example of relationships moving too fast.
When You Ignore the Deal Breakers
Everyone has something they say they aren’t going for in a relationship. I mean, ordinarily, you find slurping, slouching and snoring irritating.
Now, all of a sudden, it’s music to your ears? C’mon! And let’s not bring up the fact he doesn’t have a job or a car. You know your girls are looking at you sideways, don’t you? smh
Relationship Advice for Women
If he’s thinking about you so much he can’t function, you need to rethink your relationship goals and ask him to slow down. Relationships moving too fast will lose speed quickly. It’s okay to think about someone you just met and it’s okay to text and call, but don’t obsess over the guy or girl.
You could come off as being desperate and needy. This is a huge turn off to men and women. Dr. Seth Meyers of eHarmony says “desperation comes from a fear that if you don’t seal the deal immediately and develop a cement-like bond, that individual will slip through your fingers and you will be left all alone, never to meet anyone again whom you really like.”
If you keep living, you will have a lifetime to meet more companions. Some of the people you meet will be awesome and the others will leave you wondering what just happened. When you find your significant other, don’t take the simple “hello” out of context, don’t act like you ain’t never had “it” before, don’t act desperate and keep your eyes wide open.
Be yourself, however, and get to know one another before jumping the broom, at least use the 90-day rule. Finding out he farts in his sleep is one thing, but finding out he just got out of prison is another, especially if you’re responsible for another’s person’s life.
Maybe that’s why he just got back in town from living upstate. Maybe that’s why he was so desperate to latch on to you. So the next time someone proposes you move in together after the first week of dating, remember what we said about relationships moving too fast.