There is an incredible number of moms in this world. Of those moms, approximately 9 million women are single mothers. What surprised me is there are about three million men who are single parents.
We are about to celebrate Mother’s Day but when women don’t want children and abandon their children even, should they partake in the holiday?
I know, most people’s perceptions of a mother are this picture of Claire Huxtable or if you’re old school, Florida Evans, but what happens when it’s not?
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When women don’t want children, in my opinion, they shouldn’t continue to have them nor should they be treated any differently from the men who feel the same way. I’m one of those women who wanted lots of children, notice the emphasis on “wanted.”
Initially, I thought six children would be the magic number for me, as a matter of fact, until I had the first one.
Why Don’t I Want Children?
Since I had the one and only child, I could still, in my mind, dream of having a fulfilling career. After all, it was just the two of us and I could manage two lives. Bringing her here meant I would spend 12 long and painful hours in labor. Labor was not cute, ya’ heard me. smh
Having said this, I thought every woman in the world would understand why I don’t want children, but they didn’t. I was cool with the one I have… love her to death, but have any more kids out of wedlock? Nah, not this girl.
Some do it all the time and say the more you do it, you start to “pop” them out and it doesn’t hurt as much. Ugh, really? I will never experience what that mother was talking about but I knew, however, having two or three was out of the question, let alone six.
After I had the one child, and she was grown, I thought, okay, it’s my turn. She’s stable and I know she’ll be okay on her own. I can see what life is all about. That’s what you do when you’re still young, single and adventurous, right?
Was I ready to have a child at 16? Heck no! My life was too unpredictable. I mean, you gotta hold down a job, feed the child, buy clothes and shoes plus really be a mother to the child.
In other words, you have to adult and I didn’t have a clue as to what being grown really meant as a teen and young adult. I did finish high school, but something happened only ten days after graduation. It wasn’t that traditional ‘my water broke and it’s time.’ Nonetheless, it was time.
I was pregnant and ready or not, I was having a baby. Sure, I had choices, but not really. Abortion was not an option for me but I had stipulations or reproduction goals for any possibility of a second child. Still, you have your frienemies.
They thought I should have more children. They’d say, “You’ll have another one when the right man comes along.” I knew parenting wasn’t easy and maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t for me. I took the necessary steps to ensure I wouldn’t get pregnant. I loved it being just the two of us.
But what about women who continue having children but don’t have the tools to raise them? It’s clear they don’t by the way they treat them. Sadly, some children go hungry, unloved and unsupervised too often. Regretfully, there are over two and a half million women who don’t have their own children in their custody. Some of these children have special needs.
In light of this, can you imagine why do women want children with these adversities? And when they don’t? Let’s face it. When women don’t want the responsibility, what happens is the child or children could possibly get placed into the system.
If not that, then passed on to the grandmother or some other relative willing to take them in. This could have been avoided simply by making better choices.
Choosing Not to Have Children
There are men and women who think about their freedom and take precautions. Their lives don’t revolve around a child and that makes life easier for them. Being childfree means a woman or couple can be spontaneous, they can choose to sleep in til noon if that’s what they want to do.
They won’t have to make choices between a pair of shoes for the baby or for themselves and they can buy a two-seater car!
The cruel thing is even though she’s certain she’s not having children, a young woman bearing no previous pregnancies is told she should wait and is prevented from having a Tubal Ligation to prevent pregnancy.
People Having Babies
For the most part, women get married and they have to make a decision between having kids and not having kids. It’s a no-brainer for most women, however, some women don’t have a clue as to what causes babies to “pop” out.
What happens when women raise multiple children alone? It affects the children, especially when they all have different daddies.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with having a large family, but at some point, one child will feel alone and abandoned by his absent father and wonder why his sister’s or brother’s father does for them. But what happens when women don’t want children but they just want the man?
When their scheme doesn’t work, too often, women find themselves in financial hardship. It can be hard on their own. Sadly, they blame their inability to get a job or return to school on the kids and their inability to secure childcare or a sound and productive future.
Sometimes, they get so overwhelmed with the kids they abandon them, are abusive and neglectful.
At the same token, some women never develop the maternal instinct a mother has. It’s sad, but it’s true. But for the women who have children, the more they are at risk for postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression is very real. Postpartum depression if left untreated can progress to postpartum psychosis. In severe cases, some women abuse or harm their children. Unfortunately, this disorder is self-destruction at its best.
Don’t Be Ashamed to Say I Don’t Want Kids
It’s okay to say you’re not having kids. However, too many women are deciding they don’t want children after they are here. Why? Because the father said, “Um, yeah, let’s have the baby and raise it together.
He promises to get a place and everything will be okay. He sold the pipe dream but dropped the ball. He didn’t follow through on any of those promises.
See the problem with this picture is that she didn’t want children to raise by herself and now she is. So what happens when women don’t want children because everything was based on a pack of lies?
She does what she has to do. But women who’ve chosen a childfree lifestyle have the right to live this way. They aren’t necessarily shallow or selfish women, but are just not, as my mother would say, “mother material.” [It’s great to be self-aware. More people should be this way.]
But when women don’t want children, people look at her differently. They tell her she’s less than a woman if she doesn’t have kids, but when a woman abandons the child or reverses the role of the absent or part-time father, society looks down on her as one of the lowest forms of life.
When a woman… a mother changes her mind and lets the father assume the role of the full-time parent, then there must be something wrong with her, right? Wrong!
It took two people to make a child and when the father breaks his promises, he should be held accountable. He shouldn’t get to run happy and free. Mostly, the father gets to live his life freely, with the exception of every other weekend.
Who said that was fair? It’s not. The typical part-time dad does very little to help raise his child or children. He’s never there for homework, spills, chores, running noses or heartbreaks. Why is it always the mother’s job to raise the children? The father has many advantages a mother doesn’t.
The father posts pictures of that one moment he spent with the child over the weekend and everybody thinks he’s the world’s greatest dad because of it. They praise him for being there and it’s sad because that’s what he’s supposed to do.
Women are there all the time and never receive praise, a thank you or acknowledgment until Mother’s Day.
The father goes out of town, goes on a date… he gets to go to the freaking store without having to take one child! When the father goes to his place of residence, he doesn’t have to hear the whining about the homework or think about dinner or baths. He’s’ childfree!
Honestly, women… mothers get tired. Her job is never done so what’s wrong with letting him have the children full-time, because after all, it’s his job, too, right?
A mother should have the opportunity to go on a vacation without the children for once since dad does, right? Why should women even be subject to the double standards of motherhood and fatherhood anyway? Who has the answers?