When a man disappears there are a number of reasons he did what he did. Since he’s not around to tell you, you’re stuck trying to get into his head and bring some kind of closure to your [imaginary] relationship.
With casual dating on the rise, these questions come up a lot. They want to know how to respond when a man disappears and it’s a natural response, I suppose. But, girls, you must realize your part in this unfortunate occurrence.
We’re going to discuss how to deal when a man disappears for months, but first, let’s take a look at this letter.
I would really like your advice on a man I recently met.
Whenever he wants to go out, we always text. But then, we stop texting until we see each other again….Until last weekend.
I was pretty drunk and we texted like normal and then I ended up at his house and slept with him. It’s been a week and I haven’t heard from him. I understand men do a disappearing act sometimes, but what does it mean when a man disappears and doesn’t call back?
I haven’t texted him at all this week because I don’t want to be annoying or seem needy but I want to text him and see where this is going without appearing crazy.
As a woman, I understand men like the chase. So should I not text him and see if he’s interested that way or wait until I see him out next? What do you think I should do? Please keep in mind we only met three times and I slept with him the 3rd time.
Dear Curious Girl,
Honey, in my opinion, a man who takes advantage of a woman while she’s “pretty drunk” is a man who needs to keep calm and wait for it. There are signs which tell me this man is not serious about getting to know you.
When a man disappears, he’s usually trying to tell you something. If he comes back into your life, you will experience more of the same treatment. I can almost assure you it is the same or even worse at this point if there’s any communication at all.
To be honest, 98% of men, not just the one you describe, do a disappearing act when they are frightened, when they get what they want or when “it” serves no purpose and in your case, you’re likely experiencing all three.
According to ANewMode.com, when a man disappears, “Most men would rather walk over a bed of burning hot coals than tell a girl to her face they’re not into her. So they ghost.”
Certainly, I wouldn’t call him, but I’m not you nor am I a professional counselor. The folks at Gurl.com suggest you should try and reach out just to see if something serious happened. At the same time, they don’t suggest calling him a thousand times either.
When a man disappears on you…
…there could be several reasons why. If it’s true men like the chase, the chase is over, Boo. In your case, it could be because you gave him the goods before he could fall in love or even trust you.
If you get in touch with him, confront him head on. Don’t beat around the bush and keep your cool. Let him know how you feel but don’t wait around for the tired explanation because he’ll have a good one.
More often than not, you’ll fall for it and you’ll be fine until the next time he ghosts on you again. The truth is, you’re settling for less than you’re worth.
The time to find out “where this is going” is before you “lay it down” not when a man disappears and then reappears if your “friend” does at all.
In addition, the time to find out his relationship goals is while you’re establishing a basis for a friendship which, obviously, you hoped would grow into a full-fledged relationship.
This will take time, more than 3 “dates,” I’m afraid, especially, if you were expecting anything other than a casual “date.” Not only do you talk about your expectations, but allow him to show interest in you and be a man of his word.
Building relationships are really no different from building friendships or houses. It’s a process and one does a little at a time. A house poorly constructed won’t stand up against the slightest storm.
You have to know you’re priceless…
Intimacy is a beautiful act of love. You may think this is a bit much, but ask yourself next time, is this someone I could trust with my life?
Because if you’re not protecting yourself, you really are putting your life into another person’s hands. Think about that next time and see where you stand.
If you can’t trust a person with your life, you should think twice about having a relationship with that person. While casual dating is the trend, you don’t have to be a casualty. Don’t hand out your life like it’s worthless.