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Living the single life is a choice for many, especially those of us over 50. On the other hand, it’s by unique circumstances others are on their own. Whatever the case may be, someone somewhere assures us that we are either bitter women or madmen. Ha!

I argue that we are anything but angry and it’s ridiculous “they” would label every living single over the hill as cat-loving homebodies.

You know, we’re all different and while it seems that everyone should be a couple, not everyone is cut out for that scene.

It’s really crazy to assume everyone will be coupled up with so many men in prison, dead, jobless, homeless, etc.. If you don’t date outside your race, the number of available men just got shorter.

Why are we living the single life?

I’m glad to partner with other attractive, socially active and positive individuals who love living the single life.

There are thousands of people retaining their “player’s card” well into their retirement years and take it to their death beds. These singles know their role and they play it well.

Well, trust me when I say living the single life isn’t for everybody. Most single daters love the life because they are free spirits and certainly, you cannot cage a wild bird and expect him or her to live productive lives or live happily.

Another reason why I’m single is once you have had the best, it’s hard to settle for less. I’ve tried the matchmaker friends, the online dating services and purposely bumping into him at Walmart.

However, few measure up to half the man my old sweetheart is. The Big Dawg and I had a love like no other and although I would give my right pinky… nail to meet a compatible mate, I’m fine by me.

As a couple

Being a couple is fine for those who need someone else. With that said, the stats show most people who are married said they wouldn’t do it again or wish they hadn’t done it at all.

Over 47% said they have cheated once or twice and remained in a relationship with that person for two or more years. So, tell me why I want to be married again?

Some people don’t believe that married men or women should have friends of the opposite sex. What do you think?

And that’s the thing with me – there are so many rules that I don’t like about being a couple that it sucks. Who but nobody is going to tell me I have to cut ties with 40/30/20 year relationships just because I’m a couple now?

Being single does not mean you’re lonely or miserable. Living the single life has many advantages which are gratifying.

What does living the single life mean?

Living single means to me many things.  Elite Dialy has some good ideas, but I have a few of my own as well.  To me, it means I don’t have to do “this” and I don’t have to do “that” for him. Keep reading to find out what I mean.

  • I don’t have to check in when I’m running late or want to stay later
  • I don’t have to verify he took money out of the account
  • I don’t have to ask if my sister can stay another week
  • I don’t have to entertain his immature friends
  • I can cook for two as cheaply as one and eat both meals
  • I don’t have to rush to brush my teeth before he wakes to kiss me
  • I can go to bed with my socks on or off
  • I can lay in the middle of my king size bed and watch reruns of Living Single and Friends while laughing and farting at the same time
  • I can leave the toilet seat down or up without having to answer, “Why is it up?”
  • I can pack my bag and leave for the weekend with my girls or my guy friends
  • I can date Freddy, flirt with Ricky and Bobby at the same time and it’s okay
  • I can remain guilt free and celibate

In a nutshell, living the single life means to me I can do what I want to do, say what I want to say and go where I want to go without being the Adams family.

Being alone vs being lonely

I’m a loner but I’m not sure if it’s by nature or by relationship disasters or due to old age. Having friends tag along to the movies or to the bar can put a damper on my spontaneous personality.

Loving my freedom as I do, it’s better if I meet you there if we are to hang out together. I have three grandchildren to appease me when I need noise in the house, which is not very often, but they are always happy to oblige.

living the single life black woman with black rim glasses driving
I still have a lot of life left in me!

Because I grind hard, there’s not much time to feel lonely and when I want the company of another adult, I pick up the phone and schedule a meeting. I haven’t felt lonely in a very long time. I love living the single life!

I became best friends with myself early in life because as a child, I was not allowed out of the house to visit let alone sleep over Joy’s or Hope’s. Instead, I read mystery novels, True Detective magazines and wrote poetry.

I’m older now and I don’t do a lot of the things I used to do.  Some of my hangups turn a few men away. For instance, I don’t like to kiss until I’m sure of our relationship. It may be small to some, but kissing is a very intimate occurrence.

Online dating sites

I joined an online dating site once and was truly unsuccessful. It wasn’t that I wasn’t meeting men on these dating websites, but they clearly weren’t my “type.” Most looked scary and were not Black men and yes, I specified I was only interested in single Black men.

The Black men I did meet were just weird. I remember this one guy – I think he had mental issues. We met and after only a short time [a few days], he was talking about us moving in together and getting married! Okay, brother, you have got to go.

He said he wanted to take care of me, but I think it was him would need someone to help HIM with the bills. It’s a known fact, there are women who take care of men, but I ain’t the one.

I made a mistake 30 years ago by helping a man I was dating and he screwed me over royally. I’ll never forget the embarrassment it caused and the pain I felt. I vowed it would not happen again with my eyes wide open. Nope, not again.

Did I join Blackpeoplemeet.com? Of course, I did, but when it was a free online dating site. When it came time to pay, I didn’t. I couldn’t see paying for a service and not meet single men from my area. That did not make sense to me. After that, I just remained on my own.

Living the single life 

I would be lying if I said getting married never crossed my mind, but I knew if it didn’t happen when I was younger, there would be problems. Heck, I knew if I got married at a young age, there would be problems. Hahaha! I loved living the single life!

Nonetheless, it’s natural to think you’re missing out on something wonderful. Truth be told, after all the married men I had gone on dates with, I knew I wasn’t missing out on much. I admit it was disappointing to find out they were not single, but soon, I grew to expect it. That and the fact they would be a Virgo.

If there were a hundred men in a room, the only men who would approach me were married. It seemed as though I couldn’t meet a single man to save my life. I don’t know what the attraction was, but I’m so glad I got rid of the magnet that drew married men to me.

How could I trust him or the institution of marriage when I was seeing what happens with my own two eyes? It was like they didn’t care! Sure, it takes two, but I wasn’t the one with a ring on my finger and I wasn’t looking to take the wife’s spot.

On my own

With my busy lifestyle, I have very little time for dating, and that is most certainly a deterrence for the man who wants to date me.

On that note, I know it’s going to be extremely difficult living with someone. I like my quiet and space. I don’t want to talk when I’m watching television. There are times when I don’t want to talk period.

I don’t know how to say, “Baby, I’m going over to my friend’s house.” I just say “I’m gone. I’ll be back.” What? Did you ask me “Who’s house?” I’m in a state of confusion now because I don’t understand your question. [hahaha! I kill myself.]

I don’t go out very often but when I do, I don’t feel, as a grown person, I should have a curfew. Who does that? Married people, that’s who. Not for me. I’m in love with living the single life! Did I say that already?


I don’t know what will happen when I get older. Will I regret not having someone to get me a glass of water or to help me to bed? I don’t know. Maybe when I’m sixty-something, I’ll decide it’s time to marry and maybe he’ll be lucky enough to have found me.

Maybe then, will another free spirit and I connect and we can share the rest of our lives together… traveling. What I do know is getting serious too soon scares me to death. I’m still down for the process of dating. We called it a courtship back in the day.

You meet someone, you go out… you continue to go out and one day, he says “Do you want to be my girlfriend?” A year later, he say’s “Will you marry me?” That’s how it should work in a perfect world, I think.

Whether the girl says “I will” or not, he should ask the question. However, more and more people are staying single until later in life. And right now, people, I love living the single life and whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re enjoying life as well.

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