When people advise you to ‘be yourself’ on the first date, some people make the ultimate mistake. They dive into their past, trying to explain their life’s decisions to their date.
You guys, this is totally unattractive, so before you decide to tackle a certain topic, think about what it actually says about you!
How to succeed on a first date
No matter how open-minded your date claims to be, steer clear of certain topics. Tell your date what your status is now. They don’t need to hear the details about your past on a first date.
That’s not how to get a second date. Here are 4 things you should try never to bring up on your first date!
There is no faster way to kill your first date than to start complaining about how miserable you were with your ex. Not only does your date have zero interest in hearing about it, this also sends warning signals to them that you are a whiny, negative, vengeful person.
It could all be true — maybe your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend was really horrible! Maybe you feel the urge to explain to the world that the breakup was totally not your fault!
If your date asks, a simple “Things didn’t work out between us” will suffice.
3Good things about your ex
Maybe you want to let your date know how amicable and open-minded a person you are, and that you are still friends with all your exes! That’s great for you! But saying nice things about your exes sends bad vibes for lots of reasons.
The most obvious one is because it automatically creates a comparison. Regardless of your intentions, your date will feel judged when you mention your past relationships.
It also sends another unconscious signal: that you already have a Plan B to become ‘friends’ with them if this whole dating thing doesn’t work out!
But what if it’s a really funny story? It’s a bummer if you happen to have a great story involving one of your exes, but the answer is still no. In fact, it might best never to bring up your exes at all on your first date.
The only exception is if you have been married and are now separated or divorced. This is an important issue, and in this case, your date deserves to know right from the beginning or it will be a sour revelation down the road. Still, make it short and conclusive.
2How much you hate your job?
The majority of people hate their job, or their boss, or both. You may have a way with words and can make hilarious self-effacing jokes about your unfortunate encounters with your evil boss, but…
It hints to your date that you are not totally happy with your current life situation. Your date has enough of their own problems to worry about; they don’t want to have to worry about your problems too.
So, for the same reasons, avoid talking about quitting your job, or complaining about how you’re not making enough money – no matter how funny you can make it sound. This will make your date unconsciously wary of pursuing anything further with you.
If you hate your job and your date asks about it, there is a way to turn the whole thing into something positive without lying: say you feel like this is not what you’re meant to be doing, then tell them your vision of the future. Vision is sexy!
1Anything that involves dating
Call it breaking the fourth wall or whatever, it’s really not a good idea to be discussing ‘dating’ itself, so I really don’t understand why some people like to do this.
Sometimes people get nervous and mention that they “don’t date a lot ” – and that is a really, really horrible thing to hear. Both of you are already nervous.
It’s like telling an amateur actor who is about to go on stage, “Oh, look! You’re about to go on stage!” Talking about dating is just like saying “Look, we’re on a date!” It’s not helpful!
Other common comments are stuff like “I don’t usually go on dates”, or “I just got back into dating”, or “Do you date a lot?” Why, why, why even bring it up?
Think about it. How can someone even respond to these comments or questions? “Me neither! I don’t usually go on dates”? Then what? There is absolutely no way for this not to end with *nervous laughter, gulps drink.
Here is why: the whole reason you are nervous about a first date it’s because you make it a “thing”. Dating is simply about spending time together to see if you mesh well.
Once it becomes a “thing”, it becomes scary, like a stage play, where you have a role to perform and where you will be judged.
First date recap
Remember that a first date is supposed to be light, exciting, and relaxing as you both learn more about each other. Take a deep breath and psyche yourself into a “mature and secure” mind state, and have fun!
Also, keep in mind mentioning dating as a concept itself gives it, even more, power as a “thing”, and the whole atmosphere only becomes more awkward because of it!
And lastly, trouble at work almost always carries over to your personal life, so leave it home while you are on the first date.