You’re probably thinking having a female roommate would be easy and even awesome. The theory is girls are always neat.
You think to yourself your my place will never look like one of those houses from Hoarders and that everything own will smell “fresh as Gain.” I’ll never wonder where in the heck is that (sniff, sniff) smell coming from with a female roommate in the house.
More so, they’ll take care of those little chores around the place, saving you time to handle the ‘manly’ things like throwing the beer cans in the trash can. No, I’m only kidding, but you know what we men do.
For the unfortunate men and women, out here who have a female roommate like this, welcome to the nightmare on Mars Drive. It could be you are the clean one, the quote-unquote “girl (stereotype)” of this hellish living arrangement.
However, like the Bro Code states, “Thou shall help thy Bro, avoid living with a female roommate who is a slob.” ~Gandhi (rumored, of course)
Warning signs of a messy female roommate
I’m not going to sugarcoat it. Whether this woman is your girlfriend or just a stranger who calls herself Summer Breeze on Craigslist, there are many warning signs that will give you a glimpse into your future with a messy roommate. Keep reading to find out the unclean truths.
4Check her car!
Her car will tell you everything you need to know. We’re not talking about the brand although Jetta girls are a red flag (sorry Jetta lovers).
We’re talking about what the car looks like on the inside. Call it coincidence or not, but men treat their cars like a baby, keeping them sparkling clean and organized like an OCD’s paradise.
On the other hand, some women car insides look like a chaotic vortex of clothes, shoes, CD’s (what is this, the 90’s?), and the half-full water bottle collection.
If you see this or are having flashbacks about kicking debris away from your feet whenever you’re in her car, then expect to have a whole new mess in your living space if you choose her as your female roommate.
3Dare to check the bathroom
The bathroom will be “make it or break it” for you if you’re like me. This one may require an emergency room visit and possibly a Tetanus shot, but you should never avoid going to the bathroom.
It’s a risk you gotta take and if you see cartoon squiggly odor lines coming from everything she owns, just close the door and politely leave. That’s how you deal with a sloppy female roommate.
Now, for the record, women take 3-5 times longer in the bathroom than men… generally. It takes plenty of time to paint on a fresh coat of makeup and use one hundred different lotions and potions just to start their day.
So, you are going to have a messy bathroom counter, there’s no doubt about it.
However, if you see conditioner bottles all over the floor, her bra and panties flung everywhere like a Jackson Pollack décor project or the toilet tagged as a health code violation, you might want to re-think this female roommate thing again.
2Her bedroom has caution tape around it
The bedroom is a person’s private sanctuary and acts like a warehouse for the person who owns it. It’s yours to do as you please and it should express the amazing person you are on the inside.
However, some women must not have gotten that memo because, in my personal experience, some girl’s rooms look like an uncharted jungle.
Take my sister for example. Although the worst of them all, dear sweet Brittany is the sweetest gal ever. I contemplate every Christmas on getting her a maid.
Brittany is the one who couldn’t possibly have gotten away because her place looks like a war zone. You have to crawl on all fours just to feel safe, and even then, you never know why the floor is wet.
If you’ve never seen inside your future roommate’s bedroom, girlfriend or stranger, this should cause some concern. Think about it. Why won’t she let you see her room? How bad could it be? Bad—it could be shockingly bad.
1The dirty dish test
The dirty dish test is a standard method man test that has been deploying for generations to see not only her level of cleanliness but also her level of aggression. Yeah, it’s a twofer. The genuine beauty of this test is that you could apply it to more than just a dish.
You can use it with anything that’s related to cleanliness or hygiene (razor, damp towels, floss, etc.). But, the test is simple.
Finish a plate or bowl of something that makes a mess, like spaghetti or the remnants of the remaining brownie mix. Leave it in front of her on purpose. Pretend to be oblivious that you’ve ever done it or that the dish even exists.
If she pauses, tilts her head to the side and purse her lips, get ready. She will go into details about how you will not ever leave a dirty dish laying around. No, not ever while your two hands are capable of cleaning. If she did this, she passed the test; slob is not in her vocabulary.
In fact, you may find yourself in the presence of a different person if her OCD hits the roof. If she takes the dirty dish right then and cleans it, you will live in a house where germs do not exist.
However, the other end of the spectrum lies the dreaded failing grades that tell you all you need to know. For instance, if she’s just as oblivious as you and does not show a care in the world this monstrosity is within her peripherals, she fails. How far will her blind eye go?
Brittany, the worst female roommate ever!
Although, that’s not even the worst of the possible results of this test. That honor goes back to “sweet—sweet, always carry around hand sanitizer whenever you’re around her,” Brittany. I kid you not; she left that bowl on the bedside table for at least one week.
I even made a mark on the table to see if she even moved it. Well, the answer is not one millimeter. Not only that, she added a cup and a spoon to that stockpile.
It would probably still be there today if I didn’t hazmat suit up and sanitize the area. Don’t be trapped with a female roommate like Brittany, the cavewoman.
Prepare for the female roommate
All men were not created equally when it comes to their tolerance for the level of filth of their home.
Some men will be able to tolerate the extremes of a female roommate messy habits, whether because they have to because they love them or because it’s the only place they can afford. But remember men, like everything else, there are warning signs that trigger a “caution” signal.
Know beforehand what kind of female roommate you’re getting involved in, and check areas like her bedroom, her car, and her bathroom.
Understand the difference between being a tad bit messy and being a slob, because even messy people will make an attempt to hide it. Do you know what a slob will do? Not a thing… not one thing!
P.S.: Brittany’s cleanliness was over dramatized for entertainment purposes. The bowl only sat there for 5 days (winky face).
23 Painful Truths Only People With Messy Roommates Understand
Image source Max Pixel